UNITAUR: CRYSTAL CASTLES + THESE NEW PURITANS + THE TEENAGERS
Goldsmiths Student Union, New Cross, SE14
Saturday 10th November, 09:00pm

So last night was a little bit busy. Wonky-haired media juggernaut Vice’s national tour of thoroughly hip ruffians stomped along down the road to Goldsmiths’ union and they scrubbed it up well indeed. The fact that they’ve come here instead of the numerous other musical haunts may lead me to suspect that Wikipedia might be right for once, an unsettling thought, and it was odd to see the place decked out with thinly-veiled advertising, pretty lights and hundreds of Flex Fleece hoodies. The sheer saturation of sponsor Blyk was of particular interest; they sure are keen to get kids to think that having advertising pumped into your phone six times a day is cool. But what am I to complain - as someone whose bank balance is already laughably overdrawn, a free night out is much appreciated. Even with a lineup which I thought was going to be exceedingly tedious. I was about half right?…

The Teenagers made me giggle when I first heard about them. They’re basically French kids who write about how much they want to fuck naive American floosies. Then they supplement these words with achingly generic melodies and hope that if they pout enough they’ll get some action. Such a shame then that they are devoid of any charm, originality, talent, or even good shirts. The beauty of it is that they’re so supposedly now-sounding that they have two months left in their career before music moves on and leaves this kind of twattery behind like so many pretentious gits beforehand. Fingers crossed!

These New Puritans were better but somehow I can’t recall any of their music because instead of being hilariously shit they were befuddlingly staid. Well, at least ‘Pyramid’ was good. On record. Next!

Crystal Castles were different. That’s because they can be interpreted as - dare I say it - musical progress. Or an accident. Or a jumbled mess of Family Computers and expensive clothes and Yamaha YM2612s and too much Pocky. Who knows, but watching them was such an adventure. I say that, I mean an adventure in holding a mobile phone in a horde of sweaty people while a crazed Canadian utilises a stobe light as if she wants to kill her epileptic childhood enemies while a Commodore 64 has water poured over it…

Are they trendy? Of course they fucking are. Will they fall victim to next year? Who knows; we managed to seemingly bludgeon new rave to death within six months. Are they fun? Yep, but I’ll never admit it. Except this is the internet. Shit.

I look forward to the next media event to touch down in New Cross, although I’ll mostly be in it for the laughing at people wearing shitty sunglasses. Oh, and there were many of you.

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Crystal Castles ‘xxzxczx me’ (mp3, 4.4MB)

roman david